Wednesday, February 15, 2017

We’re Pregnant!

We’re Pregnant!

June 30, 2016:

For the last 4 or 5 days I have felt so tired, nauseous and bloated. My nipples have hurt to the touch. And, I have had a ton of gas! Hmmm...

I didn’t get my period although it was due today, June 30th.

June 30th... it’s my sister’s birthday today.

It wasn’t even 1pm, but just for good measure, I decided to bust out the last pregnancy test I had in my bathroom cabinet. I have taken several pregnancy tests in the last several months – we’ve sort of been trying. Nothing crazy, but I had been tracking my cycle (there’s an app for that - I used Ovia Fertility). 

However, just this last month, we decided we weren’t going to try anymore (for now). We stopped trying because just a couple weeks ago, we finally made set wedding plans! 

A week ago, during a phone conversation with my sister, I thought perhaps I might have some underlying infertility issues - she does and the realization that I haven’t gotten pregnant after trying for several months brought me to a decision. Read more about the convo here.

I decided right there in that moment [during that phone conversation] that I was going to be okay with not getting pregnant, with never having a child.

Before taking the pregnancy test, I remember thinking, “you might as well use this test because you’re not going to need it for a while”. I have taken several tests in the last several months, and always got disappointed by the quick to appear “not pregnant” line. Today, I thoroughly expected the same single line. I also expected my period to start within the hour because that’s just one of the ways nature makes fun of me.

I exaggerate not, as soon as I peed on that stick and put the cap on, before I even set the damn thing down, BOOMDOUBLE LINES!

Wait, what does double lines mean again?

I must have held my breath for 5 minutes in shock (ok, probably 5 seconds). Then, naturally, I laughed out loud… like big, goofy, belly laughed out loud. I hadn’t even pulled my pants up yet. I was still sitting on the toilet.

I looked back at the stick. Maybe I saw it wrong? Still, bold, blue double lines. I laughed again. Looked back at the stick… laughed… looked back. You get it. I did this for about 5 minutes because the instructions tell you to wait 5 minutes for an accurate response.

5 minutes later, bold, officially accurate “You’re pregnant!” double lines.

Naturally, I immediately went to the store for several more tests, of all different brands, and I bought decaf coffee.

3 more tests, 3 more “you’re pregnant!” lines.

First test went in the garbage...

I was caught totally off guard. Like seriously, I was sure taking that first test was futile. The other 3 was to prove the first was wrong.

4 pregnancy tests. 4 “You’re pregnant” lines.

It was around 2pm at this point. I was supposed to be working, but clearly I was distracted. My then fiancé was at work and I decided to wait till he got home to tell him.

When he walked in the door, doing his usual undress, unwind routine, I followed him around like a puppy. He asked what was wrong several times. “Nothing!” I said, trying not to giggle through my cheesy smile. I waited to follow him into our bathroom where I had all of the “you’re pregnant” evidence sticks on the bathroom counter. He walked in & walked right by them, go figure. At this point he practically yelled, “what is wrong with you?!” I didn’t speak, I just smiled like a goof and pointed towards the tests.

“Oh Lawd, I’m having another kid… please be a boy”.

He was happy, he hugged me and asked me how I was. I said, “I have absolutely no clue yet”.

Per the app, I was 1 day shy of 4 weeks along. The app also told me my likeliest date of conception was 6/17/16 (how the hell did that app know my Boo and I had a date that night – Improv and Jazz Club with too many Jack Daniels). And, how I am 4 weeks if I conceived 2 weeks ago? I don’t get, but.. what do I even know about pregnancy anyways?!

Every day, every hour, I am sure it will soak in more and more. But, right now, I am still trying to get over the shock of being pregnant at all, especially after last week’s decision to be okay with never having a child.

Today, the baby is the size of a mere black peppercorn. I do LOVE black pepper!

The thing I immediately think will be the hardest, giving up wine and alcohol. Especially in Vegas for my wedding.

Oh shit… my wedding. How will I get a dress? Will a dress I buy now fit by then? Will I feel okay to fly? How far along will I be then [17-18 weeks]? What will my “bump” look like at 17-18 weeks? Insert googling 18 weeks pregnant bump pictures.

How will I feel for my honeymoon?

Napa Valley - shit! Oh, heck no! I am not going to Napa Valley as a sober pregnant lady! N-O.

And, wait a second...

Do I want to be a Mom? Can I handle being a Mom? I decided just last week I’d be okay not becoming a Mom.

I need a glass of wine… Shit. I can’t have wine.

Shit… I had wine 2 days ago… and last weekend… and several times in the last few weeks.

Now what? 

But, seriously - now what?

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